If only I were as handy as I am sarcastic

I would be golden.
I'm sitting here listening to the upstairs toilet make a noise that I don't know how to stop. I open the lid. I stare in it. I examine it as if I know what might be wrong with it. I fiddle with a thing and move the big creepy ball thing up and down and hope to god that if I flush it one more time that it will stop making the noise.

I think 2 of the 3 toilets make this noise. It reminds me that I'm not handy. I don't want to be but I also don't want things in my house to not be fixed because I can't figure it out. Yet, if you give me some complex logical issue or puzzle, I'll think of many ways to potentially solve it. Maybe that's the difference. With logic or philosophy it's all about thought and feeling. Nothing's ever really concluded upon. The issue still exists, as does my toilet making a noise.

It's not leaking. It's filled. It works. It just acts like it's not content. It wants attention that I don't want to give it.

Another thing I don't quite get how to do is clean painted walls. In hindsight, my painter scares me. Those stories are for another day. Though he claimed to make love to the paint because it was so sweet and perfect...something tells me he could've been full of crap. I don't want to spend time cleaning some scuffs off a wall to see the paint come back up.

So paint over it if that happens, you say. No thanks. That's too much effort for me. I'm lazy on those things. Sand it. Prime it. Paint it. Fuck it.

I always wanted to make enough where I could just hire someone to come out and do it for me. I'm not there yet but if I click my heels 3 times it just might happen. Maybe. Probably not.

Now, if hooking up a new faucet, light fixture or cabinets were a stereo system...I'd do that lickity split. I'm not sure how they're different really. Both require patience and know how. It's not a matter of weight, power tools or measuring. I can do that just fine. Who knows, really?

I'll get over the lazy curiosity to it all soon enough. I have pictures to hang, shelves to mount and, eventually, a kitchen to help construct and cabinets to hang in the garage. If I'm nutty enough, Kim and I will redo our master bedroom closet for the better. Supposedly it's a breeze but only installation will tell. I have people to help me but I need someone to help me and show me how to do it at the same time. Otherwise, I'll keep being lazy and relying on someone else (which I don't mind, but come on...there's got to be a limit). That and I need a lesson on how to patch holes. That way I don't fear f*n up with a screwdriver/hammer.

All I know is, before I go to bed, I'm going to go into the bathroom, pull the lid off the toilet, stare down into it like I know what I'm looking at and pretend to fix it. And I'll continue to futz with it until it is quiet. And then, like a newborn, once it begins to make noise again I'll pretend like I can't hear it and let it cry itself to sleep. Or in the case of the toilet, I don't care what it does because I'm going to sleep.