Some guy with a soccer ball and a lot of crazy free time on his hands. He pulls off some ridiculous shots.
6.21.2008
6.20.2008
More Slow Motion Fun
It's been too long since I've posted anything. Work has been hectic and once I get home, blogging isn't what I want to do. I usually prefer to eat, relax, drink, maybe Wii fit it out and then veg and crash.
I'm off to Arizona Sunday for a work conference. That goes until Thursday and then I'll be in Vegas that Thu-Monday morning visiting with Kyle Race. The Kyle Race. Almost as The as Nate Johnson but not quite. We'll see how well I do with my distaste for flying. It's the whole concept of being off the ground that gets to me, but there should be a movie...so.............let's hope that works in my favor. Otherwise I'll thumb through a copy of Food & Wine magazine in a matter of a minute.
On Thursday, Mr. Race is coming out to road trip me back to Vegas. Lets hope he brings a squad car, we turn the sirens on and coast on to his place. I have no idea what to look for, do, or expect in Vegas. People from all over the world, bad outfits, little outfits, gambling, booze and oh so much more. I'll try to take pictures, but no guarantees!
Anyway - I doubt I'll post next week, but maybe I will if I have Internet access or feel like doing it from my phone. We shall see. But - until then, enjoy this twist on the slow motion video...good times and happy Friday.
Oh, PS - If you haven't done it yet/before - Check one of the side blogs over there to the right. I recommend "Ultra-Condensed Movies." Cracks me up every time. Ok, now done, have great weekends!
I'm off to Arizona Sunday for a work conference. That goes until Thursday and then I'll be in Vegas that Thu-Monday morning visiting with Kyle Race. The Kyle Race. Almost as The as Nate Johnson but not quite. We'll see how well I do with my distaste for flying. It's the whole concept of being off the ground that gets to me, but there should be a movie...so.............let's hope that works in my favor. Otherwise I'll thumb through a copy of Food & Wine magazine in a matter of a minute.
On Thursday, Mr. Race is coming out to road trip me back to Vegas. Lets hope he brings a squad car, we turn the sirens on and coast on to his place. I have no idea what to look for, do, or expect in Vegas. People from all over the world, bad outfits, little outfits, gambling, booze and oh so much more. I'll try to take pictures, but no guarantees!
Anyway - I doubt I'll post next week, but maybe I will if I have Internet access or feel like doing it from my phone. We shall see. But - until then, enjoy this twist on the slow motion video...good times and happy Friday.
Oh, PS - If you haven't done it yet/before - Check one of the side blogs over there to the right. I recommend "Ultra-Condensed Movies." Cracks me up every time. Ok, now done, have great weekends!
6.10.2008
Adam's Ribs - a review
I'm a bit of a food snob. I love good food. It doesn't have to be gourmet, 4 star or have a chef who's won the James Beard award, far from it. I don't care who made it as long as it's good. But - If you have a restaurant and open your doors to the public - there should be some sort of concept and/or theme. When you're there, you should have a feeling of your environment, the type of food you'll consume and, from when you walk in, you should have a general idea of the price range based on the decor, staff and what you're there for.
McDonald's isn't where I'd go for a fillet and The Spring isn't where I go looking for a double cheeseburger. I believe I have a well-rounded pallet for 26 and with a marketing background and a love for food I think I can voice my opinion. Even if I didn't enjoy good food I could still write about a food experience. So, with that being said, let's talk about Adam's Ribs.
***If you just want to see the grading of the experience, just skip to the very bottom and ignore my incessant ramblings***
Adam's Ribs, a review
Adam's Ribs, located on Restaurant Row in Wheeling was previously Cy's Crab house. Roughly a year ago it closed its doors to the public and let the public know it was being remodeled and would open soon (a year?). When the new sign was revealed a month, or so, ago I was ecstatic to see that a new rib-based restaurant was opening (because I love ribs and BBQ in general).
Yesterday, Richie, Rich, Kim and I decided to check out this new facility to see how could the bbq could be.
Welcome to...confusion
We walk in to see the doors laden with stickers of 'Zagat rated' with various years (most notably 2003),' which is odd considering we came on opening day. We wait at the host stand where a frequent-smoking, middle-aged, far-too-low-cut shirt wearing brunette woman approaches us laughing. "You guys want a table or wanna sit in the bar? I don't know where to seat you. It's my day off (remember, it's opening night) and I have no idea where the host is...OH, there she is, she'll seat you"
Here's where the confusion began. Behind the woman is an old wooden bar and approximately three 42 inch TVs with the game on (cool for a bar). We follow the host into the 1970's fisherman's diner decor room. Across the way - a 42 inch TV in the dining room. That would be ok if it weren't for the white linen table cloths, waiters in black and white and lowly lit room. The image message is confusing. The best part of our table wasn't the waitress greeting us with a, "hey, go easy on us it's our first night," nope, it was the water goblets your grandmother wouldn't even own.
The point is - the decor didn't match the style of restaurant. All of a sudden, I no longer felt like I was in a rib restaurant (I mean, the name of the place IS Adam's Ribs...right?), I felt like I was supposed to be in an upscale restaurant that was trapped in 1978. I don't know if you can see from the picture but - the decor was left from when it was a Cy's Crabhouse. That's right, that's a mounted fish. The bright spot on the right is the baseball game.
So, we're there, white linen napkins in lap, Sox game in the background, fish hanging all around us and it's menu-learning time.
The Menu
By far the single most confusing menu I've ever looked through. I gave it a try, I tried, but when all 4 of us didn't know what the pictures were referring to, you knew we were in trouble. When Buffalo Wings were pictured below the Roasted Chicken (whole, 1/2 or 1/4), a picture of a jumbo lump crab cake was next to a something deep fried isn't enough to confuse you - having your waitress (the primary one and the "one in training...") tell you she doesn't know what beers go with the special, if $3 for the special is right but she'll believe you anyway or what the primary differences are between the types of ribs...you know it'll be a long night.
The best was:
Waitress: Oh, and we don't have any rib tips. We ran out.
Me: You ran out? I...I thought this was the first night you were open?
Waitress: It is.
----
or
----
(at the end of the meal)
Waitress: So you know, we don't have any wet naps for you
Me: Seriously? (I laugh) But...this is a rib restaurant, right?
Waitress: Well, yeah, we just don't have them in yet.
Me in my mind: But...it's not like last night you thought, "what should we do tomorrow...hmm...I KNOW, let's open a restaurant..."
Waitress: If you want, you can use our sink.
Back to the Food
We all order something different. Beef Ribs, Pork Ribs and Baby back ribs. We all tried beers. Richie and Rich tried the varietal kinds. Beer is tough to botch. Some were true to their flavors...but others tasted of Action Figures. Guys you know what I'm talking about. Remember what old-school action figures smelled like? That's what it tasted like.
It's ok to not know the beers by heart yet, but don't let your order napkin come along for the ride when we drink the beer. It would be alright in a bar or something, but in a quasi-upscale, linen napkin, fancy waitresses place? It's a bit trashy.
I'd write more about the food, but we waited for a good 15-20 minutes for our meal. No appetizer, soups or salads, just the meal. From my experience, ribs are prepared ahead of time and left to sit and become more and more tender as the day goes on. The longer they have to slow cook the better they get. Apparently this was another issue we needed to give them a break on since it was day 1.
When we ordered we could choose 2 sides at no additional cost. Fries, sweet potato fries, coleslaw, baked beans or some other fried item. No vegetable or healthier fare, just fried, sloppy or gas-inducing sides. Sigh...After I ordered I was told there were other options but for an addition cost. Sigh...I hate to keep being negative but here comes more truth.
Fries - the best side available, but not fully cooked
Sweet Potato Fries - Undercooked, raw and cold on the inside
Coleslaw - I don't know, I didn't have any
Baked Beans - It tasted like they opened a can of generic baked beans up and dropped them into my plastic bowl and sent them on their way.
15 minutes later
Dinner! WOO. Finally. After the 3 visits from our waitresses prewarning us that dinner would be there soon it arrived. More oddities ensue.
1. Rich's baby back ribs looked tasty at first sight - nothing weird there
2. Richie, Kim's and my dish all looked the same. Identical. Except Kim has one mammoth hunk of meat to Richie's and my 2 baby dino slabs. That picture does no justice for what we had. Those are 1/5th of what we saw.
3. Despite all of the other misguided, non-formulaic decor and concept-free restaurant I've been to in years, the ribs were really good. Looking back, we don't know if they were fully cooked, but at the time of consumption they went down fast and deliciously.
The meat was tender. The BBQ sauce had spice, a bit of kick and they were well seasoned. Sadly our ribs were all placed atop a large piece of browning lettuce. The base maintained its green color, while the further you looked up the lettuce the more wilted, brown and gray it became. That went right on the color-on-me paper table cloth cover up.
Some Nasty Aftermath
I am not convinced the ribs were cooked properly or fully. Both Rich and Richie picked up some sickness from their dinners. Rich had to call off due to the damage it was causing his body and Richie had, "a long night because of those ribs."
The Bill
Our humorous jokes came true. We weren't forgetful when it came to the who had what portion of dinner distribution. No, they rang us up for 1 order of baby back ribs and 3 orders of beef ribs (despite that's not what we ordered)
The cost - $12.95 a person (well, Kim's was supposed to be $8, but they tricked her too) for Ribs alone. I don't know why I say it as a plural. Rich had a 1/2 slab as you'd expect. Richie and I had 2 ribs. Kim - 1 giant monster dino bone. So - some $20 a person later...our experience was over.
Pros and Cons make things easier
Pros:
Waitress: We're really open to feedback. It's our first night open, so we'd love to hear what you have to say! Be honest, we want to use your feedback to make this place even better...
>>Dinner passes and we're paying our bill<<
Me: (to the waitress) So, when you mentioned feedback, do you have comment cards or something we could fill out?
Waitress: No. Do you want to just tell me?
Me: My comments are numerous, there's no card?
Waitress: Nope, but I'll get you a piece of paper, be right back (A min or 2 pass). Here you go.
--It's a piece of paper with their daily specials flipped over and folded in 1/2--
Me: Thanks?
And I wrote - "Hi, I'd like to leave my comments but writing them on this piece of paper doesn't provide me the space to leave substantial or sufficient feedback. If you'd like to hear about our Adam's Ribs dining experience, feel free to email me @ _________. Thanks for opening a rib place in the area, I hope it only gets better from here. Thanks, MF"
So yes, the cons outweigh the pros. But hey, give them a chance, it was only their first night open, remember?
Will I go back? Not for awhile.
Will I recommend this place to my friends and family? What do you think? Not now.
Do I think they can improve? Yes, that's all they can do at this point.
If I could have them change only 1 thing what would it be? I'd ask them to determine a concept and stick with it. Don't teeter on the old and tease the new. Either redo it all or don't do anything because, it's all a turnoff at this point.
It has good potential. It's on a busy restaurant-laden strip of the Milwaukee Ave world. It just furthers the statistic that 80% of all restaurants fail in the first year of operation. It also solidifies my earlier beliefs that middle-aged business men shouldn't collaborate to create a restaurant because they lack better things to do with their time and money. They should spend time with their kids, travel or donate their time to better causes. Because, when a handful of people try to open up such a large project w/o forethought, research or a hint of creativity...it's bound to tank like a Jlo/Ben Affleck film.
My Overall Ratings:
Main Course: B+
Accompanying Sides: C-
Presentation: D
Wait Staff: C
Decor: F
Atmosphere: C+
Menu: B (for options) F (for understandability and ease)
Overall: C-
Adam's Ribs might be a great place to rib it up in the future, but for now - let them work their kinks out and check back on them in a few months and pray. Until then - if you crave local ribs, feel free to call for pickup but there are better places for the dollar in the area.
Happy Eating!
McDonald's isn't where I'd go for a fillet and The Spring isn't where I go looking for a double cheeseburger. I believe I have a well-rounded pallet for 26 and with a marketing background and a love for food I think I can voice my opinion. Even if I didn't enjoy good food I could still write about a food experience. So, with that being said, let's talk about Adam's Ribs.
***If you just want to see the grading of the experience, just skip to the very bottom and ignore my incessant ramblings***
Adam's Ribs, a review
Adam's Ribs, located on Restaurant Row in Wheeling was previously Cy's Crab house. Roughly a year ago it closed its doors to the public and let the public know it was being remodeled and would open soon (a year?). When the new sign was revealed a month, or so, ago I was ecstatic to see that a new rib-based restaurant was opening (because I love ribs and BBQ in general).
Yesterday, Richie, Rich, Kim and I decided to check out this new facility to see how could the bbq could be.
Welcome to...confusion
We walk in to see the doors laden with stickers of 'Zagat rated' with various years (most notably 2003),' which is odd considering we came on opening day. We wait at the host stand where a frequent-smoking, middle-aged, far-too-low-cut shirt wearing brunette woman approaches us laughing. "You guys want a table or wanna sit in the bar? I don't know where to seat you. It's my day off (remember, it's opening night) and I have no idea where the host is...OH, there she is, she'll seat you"
Here's where the confusion began. Behind the woman is an old wooden bar and approximately three 42 inch TVs with the game on (cool for a bar). We follow the host into the 1970's fisherman's diner decor room. Across the way - a 42 inch TV in the dining room. That would be ok if it weren't for the white linen table cloths, waiters in black and white and lowly lit room. The image message is confusing. The best part of our table wasn't the waitress greeting us with a, "hey, go easy on us it's our first night," nope, it was the water goblets your grandmother wouldn't even own.The point is - the decor didn't match the style of restaurant. All of a sudden, I no longer felt like I was in a rib restaurant (I mean, the name of the place IS Adam's Ribs...right?), I felt like I was supposed to be in an upscale restaurant that was trapped in 1978. I don't know if you can see from the picture but - the decor was left from when it was a Cy's Crabhouse. That's right, that's a mounted fish. The bright spot on the right is the baseball game.
So, we're there, white linen napkins in lap, Sox game in the background, fish hanging all around us and it's menu-learning time.
The Menu
By far the single most confusing menu I've ever looked through. I gave it a try, I tried, but when all 4 of us didn't know what the pictures were referring to, you knew we were in trouble. When Buffalo Wings were pictured below the Roasted Chicken (whole, 1/2 or 1/4), a picture of a jumbo lump crab cake was next to a something deep fried isn't enough to confuse you - having your waitress (the primary one and the "one in training...") tell you she doesn't know what beers go with the special, if $3 for the special is right but she'll believe you anyway or what the primary differences are between the types of ribs...you know it'll be a long night.
The best was:
Waitress: Oh, and we don't have any rib tips. We ran out.
Me: You ran out? I...I thought this was the first night you were open?
Waitress: It is.
----
or
----
(at the end of the meal)
Waitress: So you know, we don't have any wet naps for you
Me: Seriously? (I laugh) But...this is a rib restaurant, right?
Waitress: Well, yeah, we just don't have them in yet.
Me in my mind: But...it's not like last night you thought, "what should we do tomorrow...hmm...I KNOW, let's open a restaurant..."
Waitress: If you want, you can use our sink.
Back to the Food
We all order something different. Beef Ribs, Pork Ribs and Baby back ribs. We all tried beers. Richie and Rich tried the varietal kinds. Beer is tough to botch. Some were true to their flavors...but others tasted of Action Figures. Guys you know what I'm talking about. Remember what old-school action figures smelled like? That's what it tasted like.
It's ok to not know the beers by heart yet, but don't let your order napkin come along for the ride when we drink the beer. It would be alright in a bar or something, but in a quasi-upscale, linen napkin, fancy waitresses place? It's a bit trashy.
I'd write more about the food, but we waited for a good 15-20 minutes for our meal. No appetizer, soups or salads, just the meal. From my experience, ribs are prepared ahead of time and left to sit and become more and more tender as the day goes on. The longer they have to slow cook the better they get. Apparently this was another issue we needed to give them a break on since it was day 1.
When we ordered we could choose 2 sides at no additional cost. Fries, sweet potato fries, coleslaw, baked beans or some other fried item. No vegetable or healthier fare, just fried, sloppy or gas-inducing sides. Sigh...After I ordered I was told there were other options but for an addition cost. Sigh...I hate to keep being negative but here comes more truth.
Fries - the best side available, but not fully cooked
Sweet Potato Fries - Undercooked, raw and cold on the inside
Coleslaw - I don't know, I didn't have any
Baked Beans - It tasted like they opened a can of generic baked beans up and dropped them into my plastic bowl and sent them on their way.
15 minutes later
Dinner! WOO. Finally. After the 3 visits from our waitresses prewarning us that dinner would be there soon it arrived. More oddities ensue.
1. Rich's baby back ribs looked tasty at first sight - nothing weird there2. Richie, Kim's and my dish all looked the same. Identical. Except Kim has one mammoth hunk of meat to Richie's and my 2 baby dino slabs. That picture does no justice for what we had. Those are 1/5th of what we saw.
3. Despite all of the other misguided, non-formulaic decor and concept-free restaurant I've been to in years, the ribs were really good. Looking back, we don't know if they were fully cooked, but at the time of consumption they went down fast and deliciously.
The meat was tender. The BBQ sauce had spice, a bit of kick and they were well seasoned. Sadly our ribs were all placed atop a large piece of browning lettuce. The base maintained its green color, while the further you looked up the lettuce the more wilted, brown and gray it became. That went right on the color-on-me paper table cloth cover up.
Some Nasty Aftermath
I am not convinced the ribs were cooked properly or fully. Both Rich and Richie picked up some sickness from their dinners. Rich had to call off due to the damage it was causing his body and Richie had, "a long night because of those ribs."
The Bill
Our humorous jokes came true. We weren't forgetful when it came to the who had what portion of dinner distribution. No, they rang us up for 1 order of baby back ribs and 3 orders of beef ribs (despite that's not what we ordered)
The cost - $12.95 a person (well, Kim's was supposed to be $8, but they tricked her too) for Ribs alone. I don't know why I say it as a plural. Rich had a 1/2 slab as you'd expect. Richie and I had 2 ribs. Kim - 1 giant monster dino bone. So - some $20 a person later...our experience was over.
Pros and Cons make things easier
Pros:
- The rib meat - it was well seasoned and the BBQ sauce had some good spice/kick
- Portion size of the meat - Despite forking over $12.95/meal, we only ordered the 1/2 orders (yeah, wrap your head around that. A full rack would = 4 dino bones)
- The lack of concept/theme. I'm not asking for much, but they lacked a consistent feel to allow the customer to know what to expect. Cheap sign, 70's interior, lackadaisical staff topped with white linen, baseball games and decor from the previous restaurant...not the best decisions...or is it a lack of effort?
- Decor - what a nightmare. If you're a rib place and are setting up to be a white linen restaurant (in the main dining hall) there shouldn't be 42 in. TVs and old mounted fish as the highlighted decor of the restaurant or fish barrels. Plus (as you'll see in the various picture) there should be some quality lighting in a nice restaurant. It was a bit intimate for ribs.
- The menu - by far the mightiest clusterfuck of the night. It lacked flow, visual appeal, color appeal and had an overall disconnect as the customer. Pictures, even if they aren't next to their appropriate item, should have a caption to let the reader know what it is in case they'd like to order it.
- All food but the rib meat - Bad baked beans, uncooked/raw fries, and pre-dinner rolls that were orange-ee/yellow that tasted like they came from the day-old bakery bag, that was taken from the local homeless shelter. Did it come with butter for the bread? Nope. We weren't that privileged. We earned County Crock individual margarine tub things. It took class to a whole new level my friends.
- The wait staff - all servers should have a personality, but if you're aiming for the upscale approach - avoid the excuses and know your menu, know your food.
- Timing of the meal - I've worked in restaurants for roughly 8 years. I know a meal, no matter how intricate, should never take more than 12 minutes to get to the table unless some schmoe ordered a well-done steak. We didn't. We ordered ribs at a ribs restaurant. 20+ minutes is not acceptable under nearly any circumstance. Wait, wait - if the place is packed to the brim and they are short staffed...then ok, I have a heart. But - in our situation - we were 1 of 5 tables.
- The excuses - "we ran out of that on our first day, it's my day off but I'll help you, I don't know if those beers count, we don't have wet naps but you can use our sink if you want, go easy on us we just opened tonight." If you're not confident in what you're doing or what you're serving, it'll come across in the food and the experience for the guest.
Waitress: We're really open to feedback. It's our first night open, so we'd love to hear what you have to say! Be honest, we want to use your feedback to make this place even better...
>>Dinner passes and we're paying our bill<<
Me: (to the waitress) So, when you mentioned feedback, do you have comment cards or something we could fill out?
Waitress: No. Do you want to just tell me?
Me: My comments are numerous, there's no card?
Waitress: Nope, but I'll get you a piece of paper, be right back (A min or 2 pass). Here you go.
--It's a piece of paper with their daily specials flipped over and folded in 1/2--
Me: Thanks?
And I wrote - "Hi, I'd like to leave my comments but writing them on this piece of paper doesn't provide me the space to leave substantial or sufficient feedback. If you'd like to hear about our Adam's Ribs dining experience, feel free to email me @ _________. Thanks for opening a rib place in the area, I hope it only gets better from here. Thanks, MF"
So yes, the cons outweigh the pros. But hey, give them a chance, it was only their first night open, remember?
Will I go back? Not for awhile.
Will I recommend this place to my friends and family? What do you think? Not now.
Do I think they can improve? Yes, that's all they can do at this point.
If I could have them change only 1 thing what would it be? I'd ask them to determine a concept and stick with it. Don't teeter on the old and tease the new. Either redo it all or don't do anything because, it's all a turnoff at this point.
It has good potential. It's on a busy restaurant-laden strip of the Milwaukee Ave world. It just furthers the statistic that 80% of all restaurants fail in the first year of operation. It also solidifies my earlier beliefs that middle-aged business men shouldn't collaborate to create a restaurant because they lack better things to do with their time and money. They should spend time with their kids, travel or donate their time to better causes. Because, when a handful of people try to open up such a large project w/o forethought, research or a hint of creativity...it's bound to tank like a Jlo/Ben Affleck film.
My Overall Ratings:
Main Course: B+
Accompanying Sides: C-
Presentation: D
Wait Staff: C
Decor: F
Atmosphere: C+
Menu: B (for options) F (for understandability and ease)
Overall: C-
Adam's Ribs might be a great place to rib it up in the future, but for now - let them work their kinks out and check back on them in a few months and pray. Until then - if you crave local ribs, feel free to call for pickup but there are better places for the dollar in the area.
Happy Eating!
6.09.2008
Crazy Tornadurr
So, yesterday, Kim and I were driving home from a wedding down in Peoria. We're heading up 55 and see the clouds go from light and fluffy to dark and angry. Still, no rain. We keep driving and then out of the blue we're blitzed with a ridiculous thunderstorm. Crazy lightening, unreal types of rain. I couldn't see much further than a foot out the window. The best part was 55 is under construction so the roads aren't too wide and there's a nice, cushy cement wall to the left. Good times. I kept telling Kim, "I want to see a tornado! I don't want to be in it, but see it form..." I kept looking left at the nasty clouds (pre-crazy rain), but after seeing this video, I should have been looking right.
This guy from Monee, IL (25 miles west of where we were driving) took a great video of a tornado that formed up, no more than a mile from his house. Now, I'm not saying it's the same storm that we drove through, but if it makes the story cooler I might just add that detail.
Anyway
The video is wild. It makes me take back what I said. I no longer want to see the tornado form, I'd rather watch it on someone else's video camera.
This guy from Monee, IL (25 miles west of where we were driving) took a great video of a tornado that formed up, no more than a mile from his house. Now, I'm not saying it's the same storm that we drove through, but if it makes the story cooler I might just add that detail.
Anyway
The video is wild. It makes me take back what I said. I no longer want to see the tornado form, I'd rather watch it on someone else's video camera.
The Man Rules
These aren't new. I remember seeing these in college. I think Aaron found them and posted them on the fridge and we'd reference them often. So would others who came to the house. The guys would laugh the girls would turn their heads and disagree or say, "Scotty, you're not on a tropical island and we're not getting naked, so no more foo foo drinks for you." But while researching something else online I came across them and found them humorous, slightly appropriate, but the best part - most aren't appropriate at all. Enjoy. Go ahead - comment, they're for good fun :)
I realized - some of the language is quite dated but their principles remain the same. Man, woman, weirdo, gay guy, lesbo, fat guy, or drunk - if you're friends with someone, treat them as such. Don't make your friends your backup option for something to do. People don't like it. That and don't share an umbrella with a man, it just looks funky. 90% gay, 10% funky.
And hell, if you have new rules - add em in. I'm all ears (eyes, whatever)
------
1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss’ car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
- When she is using her teeth.
2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4.) If you’ve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend’s fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend’s birthday is strictly optional.
7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.
10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11.) Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
12.) Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13.) If a Man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
14.) Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that’s just mean.
17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men’s Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
24.) When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “BULLS**T!”.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
28.) Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.”, then you may sit back and enjoy.
33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him, too gay.
34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “F**** OFF!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.
I realized - some of the language is quite dated but their principles remain the same. Man, woman, weirdo, gay guy, lesbo, fat guy, or drunk - if you're friends with someone, treat them as such. Don't make your friends your backup option for something to do. People don't like it. That and don't share an umbrella with a man, it just looks funky. 90% gay, 10% funky.
And hell, if you have new rules - add em in. I'm all ears (eyes, whatever)
------
1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss’ car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
- When she is using her teeth.
2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4.) If you’ve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend’s fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend’s birthday is strictly optional.
7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.
10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11.) Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
12.) Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13.) If a Man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
14.) Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that’s just mean.
17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men’s Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
24.) When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “BULLS**T!”.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
28.) Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.”, then you may sit back and enjoy.
33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him, too gay.
34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “F**** OFF!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.
6.05.2008
I'm Really Not That Adventerous
It's true. I'd prefer to stay on the ground. I hate to fly. If you ever want to see a grown man have an anxiety attack, watch me as a plane takes off, lands or is just in the air for any duration of time. I've always considered skydiving, but it's probably not going to happen. I'd crap myself as I'd leap from the plane. Then cry.
Anyway - I came across this page filled with "10 Completely Insane Activities Probably Not Covered By Insurance"
Below is one that I just shutter at even trying. Enjoy!
Anyway - I came across this page filled with "10 Completely Insane Activities Probably Not Covered By Insurance"
Below is one that I just shutter at even trying. Enjoy!
6.03.2008
I'd like to thank Gannon
Most of you don't know him, but you should. He's a funny mofo. He sends me this link on facebook and I expected to be offended. I wasn't. Neither should you.
Here's the first episode, there are many others. I'll even add the link at the end.
I used to not like Tuesdays, but this helped.
Here's the link: http://mediocrefilms.com/retarded.html
Here's the first episode, there are many others. I'll even add the link at the end.
I used to not like Tuesdays, but this helped.
Here's the link: http://mediocrefilms.com/retarded.html
Resume Blunders
We're all taught how to write a resume, but sometimes you make mistakes. Some big, some small, but this website has compiled a list of some 150 of the best, most random and straight up funny resume mishaps.
It's fun to read if you've got the 10 minutes to not think about work.
Resume Blunders
It's fun to read if you've got the 10 minutes to not think about work.
Resume Blunders
6.02.2008
Adam Bender - One Bad Ass Kid
This kid is nuts. I keep mirroring si.com, but I know that a lot of people don't read the random side pages of si.com like I...might.
Anyway - here's a link to a kid, Adam Bender. I'd explain but it won't even be clear, but check out this page and the video. I'm not always about the Rudy's of the world, but this kid is exceptional.
Anyway - here's a link to a kid, Adam Bender. I'd explain but it won't even be clear, but check out this page and the video. I'm not always about the Rudy's of the world, but this kid is exceptional.
30 Seconds of Redemption
I hate fans who run on to the field. It's a distraction (obviously). There was a youtube vid out there last week of a fan who ran onto Yankee Stadium and eluded security guards for a good minute or so. He even made it to second base before getting tackled. Since it's Yankee Stadium, that's ok since I don't like the Yankees.
Normally - it's stupid. Some drunken schmoe goes running like a goon on to the field. Well, I just saw this vid on si.com of a fan running like a dweeb at Fenway Park. What a jag. But there's redemption. He doesn't make it more than 10 seconds before being leveled in front of the fans. Sa-weet. He's so happy, frolicing along...do, do, do, I'm awesome, running, waving and being cheery and then the best part BAM!!! knocked out. :)
Happy Monday
Normally - it's stupid. Some drunken schmoe goes running like a goon on to the field. Well, I just saw this vid on si.com of a fan running like a dweeb at Fenway Park. What a jag. But there's redemption. He doesn't make it more than 10 seconds before being leveled in front of the fans. Sa-weet. He's so happy, frolicing along...do, do, do, I'm awesome, running, waving and being cheery and then the best part BAM!!! knocked out. :)
Happy Monday
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