I love Helen Keller

People either laugh or get frustrated with me when I make any Helen Keller references or jokes.
Sometimes, it's just funny. For example, in this video...I don't even have to say anything. It just goes to show, Helen was a tough blind, deaf and dumb person who really knew how to get around (walking) unlike this girl.

Kevin Smith and Porn

It's almost Friday and it's almost time to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

Will it be awesome? Yes

Will it be worth the over-priced ticket? Yes

If I'm interested in a movie, I like to see where an actor or director is coming from, especially in a movie such as this.

Come on out tomorrow night to come see it with us. Or, if you'd rather see what Kevin Smith had to say about it you can just read about it here.

You can vote 4 whoever you like...yeaaah

There are a few things I really love.
The rapper T.I. (Now, it's true I couldn't stand his alter ego album, but paper trails is a really, really good CD.)
The next is little dancing and singing black children (because they crack me up in a genuine way.)
A third thing is when people change the words to a popular song to be topical
And I really love out-of-place dancing, pudgy white kids.

If you mix all of that together you get pure gold.
Dustin had this video on his away message and at first I thought, "wtf?," but it sank in. The words were topical, the little black kids were dancing their little legs off. The song was by T.I. off of his newest, awesome, album. And to top the sundae with cherry...well, there was a pudgy white kid dancing out of place in the corner.

This is magical, topical, black, white, hilariously out of place video should make your day/night like it did mine.
Enjoy

More Bingo!

Woo hoo. I love Bingo!

Wal-Mart Bingo

If you're ever subjected to going to Wal-Mart and you need something to do, aside from get out of there as fast as humanly possible, then I present to you...Wal-Mart Bingo.

Here's what I want

Words aren't even necessary.
Enjoy

I smell syrup

I really do. It's as if Mrs. Butterworth let a fat one rip down my aisle. Buttery, syrupy goodness fills the air. If it was 8 or 9 in the morning I could understand, but it's 3 in the afternoon. Anyway...

UFC 90. Tomorrow night @ the Allstate Arena.

I truly hope it lives up to the hype (that's all built up in my mind. I'll get to see my favorite UFC fighter, Tyson Griffin. The beautiful thing about the UFC (and all other co-brands is that I tend to not have a predetermined favorite. I watch their promo, see what they look like, size them up and pick who I want to win from there. Eventually, I end up yelling at the TV no matter who's winning.

"Punch his f*n head off!"
"Kick him in the teeth!"
"Elbow his throat!"

It's almost a stress reliever to be able to just wish pain among other people.

"YEA, YEA, drop his ass. Knee him in the EYE!"

It's a minimum of 2 hours of nonstop fun.
The difference is, this Saturday, I'll actually get to BE THERE yelling with thousands upon thousands of other fight-happy people. Not only that, I'll be stranded in the middle of a row with 8 other awesome people. Most people would expect it to be 9 guys. Nope. 3 girls, 6 guys. A good, diverse mix. And you don't go to a UFC fight unless you actually enjoy (or don't mind) seeing grown men beat the living bajeezus out of people. That or they're simply there for the nachos.

I hope it's a fantastic fight. The event is sold out and everyone, I know, going is really excited to see some violence, maybe a bit of blood and some hurt feelings. Oh, and to eat some nachos.

Happy Friday

So I Don't Think I Can Dance

But I did go and watch a lot of people who can.

On Friday, I took Kim to see the So You Think You Can Dance tour (or SYTYCD for short). Due to our lack of planning, we decided to drive from the grove to the United Center...@ 530...on a Friday night...on the highway. That is one thing. Dumb.

It took us over 2 hours to get down there. Show began at 730 and we rolled in around 8. How far is it from here to there you might ask? 30 miles. Yeah...30 miles in 2.5 hours. Want that broken down? Sure thing. Let's see here...150 minutes to travel 30 miles. So...that means we were traveling at a speed (on average) of 12 mph. It was a fun drive. I think the mph average is what we paid for parking too. Swell.

On any note, we finally got there and found out seats. They were pretty hot for the price. I swear, I was the oldest straight non-dad in the building. I didn't care, I was enamored by it all.

Everything moved a lot slower in person. There weren't 40 camera angles fighting for air time and the dancers weren't playing to the camera, which was nice.

There were only 2 downsides.
1. Bad, bad acting by the dancers. They dance, they shouldn't act
2. You could tell they weren't busing their butts as much as when they were on TV. It's understandable, they're touring the country and doing this most nights out of the week, I'd be 3/4 assing it too. It didn't matter, the crowd was still into it and we all went nuts for, surprisingly, the same songs.

Kim and I have our favorite dancers and they're not the same (aside from Twitch).

Why am I rambling on about this? Well, it was an awesome time. Kim wanted me to scream like a girl and I wouldn't (or maybe I did). The coolest thing about seeing it live was gaining a better appreciation for how hard it is to dance like they do. It also helped add or solidify some of my favorites from the season.

There are 4 that really stand out. Do you get to see them? Heck yes you do.

We'll start with the contemporary piece I really like. Kim didn't think Kherington was a good dancer, I did and Kim would say, "you just think she's hot." Hot or not, she can still dance to me, but what do I know -- I can't dance. I never understood contemporary dancing but it's pretty to watch. Good story



Hmm, what next...
This song got the biggest noise of the night. It was their last couple routine and a really cool dance. Thing to look for - when she pulls the guy up by his foot, it's ridiculous.



It's weird with this show. It'll take a song I don't normally like and then I'll learn to love it. Like...Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love." I didn't really like it til I saw this dance routine. I'm tempted to go into backstory on these people, but I'll refrain. I will say that the girl in this one doesn't show it here, but is a ballroom dancer with hips that were put into a paint shaker. Fact.


This is one of the prettiest dances I saw all season. Mark is awkward, but they made a boring old waltz look possible and interesting.



Alright, so I said only 4 but I lied, so what? My blog, right? I can ramble if I want to. I'll post the dance that actually got me interested in this show. I used to casually watch with Kim and mock a little bit, but then this funky ass song came on with an even funkier dance and I was hooked for the show (sad but true).



And there you have it. Awesome dances.
Does it make me gay? Nope. Close, maybe, but not all the way :)
Anyway, enjoy the vids and when the new season rolls around early in 09 you should check it out because it'll be awesome. Don't believe me? Ask Kim, she'll vouch.

McCain knows how to smile with his eyes

I want to thank the four four for this awesome video. It's potentially sad that I've watched & enjoyed ANTM (America's Next Top Model), so it makes this video even better, but if you're even moderately familiar with Tyra Banks then you should enjoy it.

I really can't get enough of the political humor. Let's go 11/4! GO VOTE!

A must-buy for Kim this holiday season

What's scary is that I might consider it. If you know Kim, you know she's usually always cold. 85 degrees in the apt, "I'm cold..." The only time she isn't is when I go to bed and she's roasting.

Anyway - I digress.
Get ready, Kim, to see this under the tree this year! :)

Another article, this time about losing weight w/o major dieting (thank god)

It's too bad this list isn't "10 ways to lose weight w/o dieting"
After talking to Richie the other day about his switch from over consumption to Lean Cuisines...this article was necessary to post. Mostly because I know he'll read it this way. But for anyone who is trying to lose weight - going cold turkey on what you're used to isn't the right thing to do. It's all about portion control. Sure, if you're eating McD's all the time, it'll still get to you, but that's because it isn't real. It's all processed and manufactured...(but so good for a hangover).

It's about limiting how much you're eating, not always what you eat (though that plays a big role too) More fiber, more fiber (cleans ya out) and eat slower. That's been my biggest challenge. I love to eat fast (my dad used to race us as kids because he grew up speed eating when working on a farm). But if you slow down how fast you eat and listen to your stomach, you'll fill up and not eat as much. Last bit, before I drop this article down - if you're hungry, before snacking your life away, try drinking a glass of water. Sometimes your stomach confuses hunger for thirst and a glass of water can hold you over until it's time to eat.

We all say we don't have time to work out (we're just lazy and making excuses because anything else can be more fun), but even if you don't, curbing your eating habits can help shed many unwanted pounds. Fact, fact, fact.

Anyway - Yahoo comes through again with an interesting article about weight loss. So - these are not my words anymore but Yahoo's. Enjoy the article.

3 ways to lose weight without dieting

Great news! You can ditch your diet for good and still hit your happy weight. Science has finally proven what you've probably suspected for years--that following a restrictive food plan can make you more likely to overeat. Researchers at the University of Toronto tempted a group of women who were cutting their calorie intake with a plate of cookies and then put the same treats in front of women who weren't trying to lose. Not only did the dieters dig in, but they ate 66 percent more goodies than their nondieting peers. "Women end up feeling so deprived on weight loss plans that they break down and binge," says Tracy Tylka, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Ohio State University at Marion. We at SELF have a better way to slim down: nine simple lifestyle switches that will help you shrink your waist effortlessly!

1. Eat more good stuff
Instead of obsessing about tasty bites you want to banish, focus on healthy foods you can feast on. Women who do so tend to lose more weight than those who ruminate on restricting calories. Fill up with fiber-rich fruit, vegetables and whole grains. "High-fiber foods expand in your stomach, so you're less likely to overeat," says Madelyn Fernstrom, Ph.D., director of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Weight Management Center. Fiber also inhibits your body's absorption of fat, says Dave Grotto, R.D., author of 101 Foods That Could Save Your Life (Bantam Books). There are easy ways to sneak in more fiber: Stir 1 tablespoon of flax seed into oatmeal, add 1/2 cup of beans to a green salad or snack on small portions of dried fruit and nuts. (Find more healthy foods: 10 simple foods with superpowers)

2. Go to the dogs
Volunteering at the pound could help you lose pounds. People who signed up to walk shelter dogs for an hour a week lost about a pound in four weeks, early research from the University of Missouri at Columbia showed. That's 12 pounds a year you could shed without skipping a single dessert! In fact, other research by study author Rebecca Johnson, Ph.D., revealed that people who walked a dog (either their own or a loaner hound) 20 minutes a day for five days a week lost on average 14 pounds after a year. Best of all, dog walking turns out to be an easy commit­ment to keep. "We had a 72 percent adherence rate, which is unheard of in most exercise programs," Johnson says. "Some volunteers enjoyed it so much, they stayed longer to walk more animals." Find a shelter near you at PetFinder.com. (Turn your typical walking workout into supercharged steps by adding a few smart strength moves. Walk your way slim!)

3. Sleep it off
Getting enough shut-eye can keep your body from storing fat, scientists at Laval University in Quebec note. Night owls who log fewer than six hours of sleep are 35 percent more likely to gain weight—on average, 11 pounds over six years—than those who get seven to eight. "Sleep deprivation increases cravings for sweets and starches," says James Gangwisch, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center in New York City. "It also causes your body to produce more of the stress hormone cortisol, which is linked to belly fat." To snag more sack time, set a radio alarm to sound 30 minutes before you want to go to bed, suggests Michael Breus, Ph.D., author of Beauty Sleep (Plume). When it goes off, head to your room and relax with stretches or light reading (avoid anything agitating, such as the news). After a half hour, it's time to dream of a slimmer you.

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Hey, it's me again. I like videos better. Enjoy (I'm addicted to the Biggest Loser this year...sigh)

Eat to Lose @ Yahoo! Video

8 Signs You're a Terrible Guest

I read this on yahoo today. I found it really interesting. Thankfully most people I know don't do these things but we all know people who do. What would be funnier is if someone read one and went, "oh...hmm, I do that..."

Here you go:

At one time you felt you were the belle of the ball with party requests pouring in left and right. But suddenly there's nary an invitation in sight. If your mailbox and inbox are only filling up with bills and junk mail, it's time to take this Foxy test:

DO YOU...

think a plus-1 Is always a plus? Unless the invitation says "you and a guest," chances are you are the only one invited, so don't just show up with someone on your arm, even if you're eager to show off your hot new mate.

have a case of the loners? The whole idea of going to a "get together" is to get together, not sit in the other room watching TV or playing with the cat. If you're just not feeling the party mood or aren't the type of person who can "turn it on," then it might be better to skip gatherings when you're not feeling 'em.

go heavy on the sauce? Nobody likes an out of control, fumbling guest at their party who accidentally knock down half the buffet table or pass out on the sofa during group conversation. So, as the saying goes, "drink responsibly," especially when you're at someone else's home.

inhale everything edible? While any host loves to see guests enjoying the nibblies, it's not a good look to monopolize the appetizers by devouring the entire plate of passed dumplings or spicy tuna rolls. Remember, there are other hungry guests at the party too.

think your bluetooth is part of your ensemble? The point of a gathering is to socialize and mingle with other guests, not blab on your mobile phone or text on your Blackberry. That's just plain rude.

use the word "me" in every sentence? While you may be the cat's meow, letting everyone else know about it all night can be overbearing. The key is to be comfortable talking about yourself when someone asks, but be sure to pepper the conversation with plenty of questions about other guests. Other topics to avoid overdosing on if you want to be invited back include: your health, your therapist, and oh yeah, your sex life.

overhear people asking about a smell? Are you dousing yourself with an overpowering scent that other guests could be allergic to? Remember, one spritz is almost always enough. But it could be worse...you could be dousing guests with dragon breath or B.O. Good hygiene is crucial. Nothing's worse than trying to get through a sit-down dinner while seated next to someone who reeks.

enter empty-handed? It's always a good idea to bring a little something-something for the host of the soireé. Something simple yet budget-friendly like bath salts, chocolates, a box of stationery, or a candle will do the trick. (Target and CostPlus are two favorite places to pick up affordable and stylish goodies). Bringing a gift is the classy way of saying "thanks for having me over" -- a token of appreciation.

She's back and lookin' nearly mentally stable

Britney is back, bitches.
I know some of you have never liked her, learned to hate her in her downward spiral, but not me. Her last album was magically delicious and her next album, Circus, should be promise to be just as great.

Not to mention, her body is back in pre: baby, hubby, panty-less photos, shaved head, sex couches and DCFS scares. Why am I talking about it...enjoy her new video

King of the White House?

thanks for this one, Dustin

Guns N' Roses to FINALLY release studio album

I don't know about you, but I'll believe it when I see it.
Then, when I see it, I'll cash in on my free Dr. Pepper. mm MMM.

According to this article from msnbc.com, the new album is scheduled to release November 23rd. Mark your calendar. They've a track coming out with Rock Band 2 and they've been dropped in a movie as of late.

I'll cross my fingers. It should be revolutionary. I only fear that it'll sound overworked, lack grit with rock and suck. Here's hoping.

Why I'm glad I'm getting married indoors

It's not that I don't like the outside, but I could see Rich doing this. So, here's one reason (of many) why I'm glad to be getting married inside.

It's raining alright

Rich turned me to hulu.com
It's a great place to watch any tv show you've missed recently with very few, short commercials.
From last weeks'season premier of Family Guy...I give you the best line of the show (it's at the end of the clip)

The Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart

I almost forgot

We're in St. Cloud (or some town around it) eating lunch at Applebees before getting back to Matt's and driving back to Illinois.

The wonderful thing about Applebees was they had 3 items on the 'all you can eat' side of things.

1. Shrimp

2. Rib niblets

3. Chicken fingers

I love chicken fingers.

I also drank heavily with Matt the night before.

Before the gun range there wasn't any breakfast or coffee consumed.

There was nothing that would satisfy my 1/4 hangover and serious malnourishment.

After the range, there was Applebees (despite the 25 minute debate (if you could call it that) on where we should eat lunch).

It was a nice Applebees. The server was really nice and had a bit of sass to her.

Our order was roughly the following:

Matt: AUCE Chicken Fingers

Mark: same

Kim: some sandwich off of the regular menu

After we received our meals we begin to plow into them making great progress and I was allowing the breading to absorb most of the remaining alcohol that sat happily in my stomach.

The waitress comes over and asks Matt and I if we'd like her to put in another order of chicken fingers (yes, please). I ate them at record speeds so my stomach wouldn't know I was full and I could continue my lunchtime gluttony.

Matt says to the woman, "yes, please, but don't worry about the fries. I don't need them. I'm going to focus on the chicken."

Anyway, point of the story...

A few minutes later the manager is doing her walk through and she arrived at our table.

She does the typical manager thing and asks how everything is and tastes then looks over at Kim and her meal. This next part is classic.

Manager: Well, hey there guys, how's everything going? Is the food good?

Us: Yes it is.

Manager: (to Kim) Ma'am, how's your sandwich?

Kim: Good

Mgr: Well, is it your favorite sandwich here at the Applebees?

Kim: Um...(looks at Matt and I), I don't eat here very often, so...yes?

Mgr: Good. Well, you better enjoy it. Because, this is the last week it's going to be offered.

She then smiled and walked away

We bust out laughing. What do you say to that? How do you reply? Kim should've shed a tear, that would've been magical.

It's probably a story that you 'had to be there for,' but to see the stone-serious look on this managers face and she meant it with the greatest care for Kim and her sandwich...she really wanted Kim to enjoy this sandwich and was there to comfort her if Kim were to be sad that this was the sandwich's last few days with the company. That plus 12 chicken fingers, 5 glasses of water and a overly-sincere hillbilly manager at the Crapple definitely sealed our trip up with the right amount of MN perfection

Needless to say, it provided a lot of funny stuff for the rest of our lunch.

"Uh...Server. Did you enjoy serving us today? You did? That's good, because this is the last time we'll be here."

I love Applebees. Fact.

I know, I know, it's Crapplebees and that will never change but it is what it is. It knows it'll never be better than a B- TGI Fridays. A non-bankrupt Baker's Square without as many old people or pie.