Corporate Calamity

Tonight, I'm super tired but I'm all riled up still.
A coworker's managerial style included using feedback I provided on someone to thrash me against them. While this wouldn't be such a bad thing if I said what was relayed. It's frustrating - you get in a spot where you supply feedback for another teammate to better help the manager understand what's going on and then the recipient of the information spins it around.
I left high school almost 10 years ago and I'm not about to get a bad rep because of some information-mutating twit. Blerg.

This is a situation where I step back and tell myself - this is stupid, don't let yourself get worked up over it, it'll pass soon enough. But it's tough when you're in the "now" of it all, ya know?

It's too bad most of us have our best moments of clarity after the fact. Too often I'll want to snap it out in a moment of haste but have been working much harder on just holding it back and letting it sift and simmer before addressing anything major. Despite wanting to dial the person up today to talk it out, I knew it wouldn't accomplish anything. Hell, even going to my own boss to casually mention it wasn't the best idea.

It also reaffirmed my dislike for passive aggressiveness. If something bugs you that I did (or you think I did) then come on out and say it. No need to suppress it, unless it wasn't really worth being upset about in the first place...which usually seems to be the case. In this instance, the gal who felt blindsided kept getting fed BS and finally broke and emailed me about it. Sigh. I know confrontation isn't anyone's favorite thing to do, but if something (whether true or misinterpreted) comes to bother you enough to act on it - then just walk over, call or something. I'd even accept an instant message. Emailing. Pah.

I get too casual and easygoing with what I'll say and talk about. Sometimes, I'll lose sight of what people will take as common conversation and actual truth. Sometimes you get caddy and just vent on whatever comes to mind. Doesn't make it truth, just gets random feelings out of the system. Petitioning for feedback from people to only twist it and use it against you to better your own perceptions from others is irritating, to say the least.

See, look, now I keep writing, which means I need to sleep it off.
I reaffirmed another thing, as it pertains to how I manage people; the best results come from treating everyone as equals, whether they are or if they are not. No matter what your role or rank, if you're all working for the same goal and support each other in the process then you'll better reach it. But, if you use your power for evil or pit others against each other with the attempt at progress then things will eventually hit a standstill and progress will cease.

I've always been one to trust that people, when given a task, should be able to complete it on their own. We're all adults, why not try a little faith until proven otherwise? I know I say that the world is filled with stupid people (if it weren't, who might we make fun of?), but it doesn't mean they're too stupid to do work and figure things out. Mind you, I'm not saying hug it out and be all buddy buddy, I'm merely saying that people work better in an environment where they feel relaxed and trusted to do their job, not micromanaged or undermined.

But on any note. I could bitch about the frustrating personalities of the work place for pages upon pages...or blog after blog. The week is finally drawing to a close. I'm exhausted and should try to get a little bit of sleep.

There's a closet being assembled soon and we'll feel more organized. A show to see. A friend to celebrate with. And hopefully some other pals will come out to partake in the good times.

Good night.

Feelin' Old

I liked it when I was in college and I could work out, twist an ankle, get really drunk, eat 2lbs of wings and the next day...feel perfectly fine.
5 short years out of college...
If I lift something wrong...it hurts.
If I work out...it hurts
If I get hammered...the next day...it usually hurts (because I don't keep drinkin' water)
If I eat 2lbs of wings...parts of me hurt.

Man...what gives?
Plus, in college, if I ate 2 delicious pounds of wings...I could go back and do it again the next day (and for a low, low price as well). Now, that much food makes me fat. Fat?! COME ON!
Metabolism is the devil.

I'm sure if I were in shape or at least exerting effort to be in shape, I wouldn't hurt as quickly if I did something physically stupid. But, I'm still being lazy and blaming it on anything. It's too cold. I want warmth. I don't want to join a gym. I'm too hungry, too tired, too lazy...

In only a few short years I have gone from a lifestyle of eating multiple Tombstone pizzas with the roommates (or a $5 Hot & Ready from LCs) to watching what I eat. I lived in metabolism changing denial after college. I would take down 1/2 a box of pasta with ease. Rich and I would destroy BWW 3 nights a week. We'd add in beers and a tub...yes a tub...of blue cheese to cool those wings-of-the-night down. So, naturally, when weight gain came along I blamed...something else. Haha...

Subsequently - the weight flux screwed with my lactose tolerance. It's amazing - once I dropped 20, I could eat dairy again. Weird...

This isn't about weight though. It only is because it was fun being able to destroy my body with sugary delights and take out every night. I could hit the Bermuda triangle of downtown 'Nona then finish it up with some Erbs or Hardees and feel magical in the AM. God...to think about Hardees sober makes my butt go "blerg, blergy, blerg." Ever make you grossed out by the stuff you used to eat but couldn't anymore? I like that I've become involved in the kitchen and educated on food. It allows me to be pickier and help others, if necessary. No one believes an expert of the Little Debbie snack. I can't even remember the last time I had a Nutty Bar or Swiss Cake Roll. Though, the chocolate chip cookies Kim whipped up last night were...are delish.

All of this makes me wish corporate America would institute nap hour. Nap time. Nap place. Something. That 230 hump in the day is a monster. I'd happily stay an extra bit longer if I could power nap somewhere clean. Caffeine will tire me out later and I usually pay for it. A nap room...could be genius. Or - let me go into work later.

I know the old white folk in my work love to be at work around 6. HA. If I showed up at 9 someone might poop themselves. I remember fearing the 8am class and now it's when I should be at work. Meh.

Anyway, I'm not old yet but I'll get there and I'm certainly not 21 anymore. The dumb injuries of the past are slowly beginning to stick around longer, linger and just be an irritant.

I remember when I was a kid, we could always tell when Mom was coming up the stairs because her ankle would crack on each stair she hit. I thought "she's old, that'll never happen to me." At the time, she couldn't have been any older than my age. And, of course, when I twist my ankle...crackity crack. Same for the back, or the knee or neck and knuckles. Yikes.

Whatever, though, right? Life is a cycle. You start out as a kid, you peak and then slowly revert back to being a kid. It's not all bad. The rest of us are going through the same thing, we just find new ways to hide it or make up for it.

I don't mind the eating healthier part. I still enjoy a really shitty burger from time to time and I'll always love McNuggets, but they aren't a staple like they once were. My arteries and waistline thank me for that. Mmm...nuggets. I always loved the "dark meat" nuggets from the 80s-90s...tasty...

Anyway - that's all that's on my mind tonight. It only came about because my shoulder is still mysteriously sore. Thank goodness Kim purchased me some heating pads (she's the bestest).

Mmm...music

I haven't played in anything too new. I'm waiting for something to blow my mind. Any suggestions?
More reviews coming at ya:

fun. - "Ignite & Aim"
From what was The Format comes 'fun.' It's a slower, more melodic version of The Format. If I had to choose I would stick with The Format's first CD. All you're really getting out of the fun. cd is the lead singer of The Format and a lot of additional instruments. I hope they have a second album because, though it's good, they could really make some catchy music together.
B-

Jason Mraz - "Jason Mraz's Beautiful Mess - Live On Earth"
It was inevitable. Jason's become a full blown, granola-loving, vegan endorsing hippie. It was only a matter of time. I think the best part of this live CD is that it was taped in Chicago. You can rarely go wrong there. I'm left torn on this effort. Where I want to throw down an A+ and call it a day, I won't. It's not his best effort. Most of the songs are slowed down...way down. I wouldn't put it past Jason that he was stoned out of his mind before this show. Along with the fact that he played in a big venue, which isn't very Jason like. There's something to be said about seeing him live though and maybe that's what this album lacks, which is actually being there. I'm ready for his next studio effort or a live album from his upcoming solo shows. But until then - this album is too rubbed down with patchouli oil for me to fully get my love on for it.
C

John Mayer - "Battle Studies"
Mom rock a la John Mayer. It's John of a different era. I'm not sure if he was tired, lazy or out of ideas but there's nothing new here. Like someone told me, "it's a continuation of Continuum," but, to me, without the enjoyable guitar solos. The lyrics fall short. I feel grumpy when I put this album on because I keep hoping it will be a lot better than it is. But - it could be a new chapter for Mr. Mayer and I may need to learn to love it. I didn't enjoy Continuum at first but can always put it on and enjoy it. I don't want John to fall in the trap of, "well, people know who I am so they'll buy my record." Hopefully, he's using this overly mellow crap to lure himself some more Cougars and then get back to the good stuff.
C

Ke$ha - "Animal"
Half good, half bad. But the good half is really good. "Tik Tok" has been on the radio for awhile and it isn't driving me bananas yet. It's still so damn catchy. For the rest of the album, "Animal" and "Blah, Blah, Blah" I think are catchy and fun to listen to. For her first effort, I think it has some good stuff. When you're midway through the disc and you come across a song called "Party At a Rich Dude's House," you know you're going to have a good time. The CD basically sounds like Disney Channel dance tunes with dirtier lyrics. I'm a sucker for both.
B+

Lady Gaga - "The Fame Monster"
I have to say - I am not a Lady Gaga fan but this EP is good...really good. "Teeth" is awesome. I bought it because Kim is/was/is into "Bad Romance" and I tried to hate it, I really did but she is good at making a catchy song. It's inexpensive, it's good for parties and it's not bad on the ears. I know I'll buy (or find) whatever she comes out with next. For that...
A

Matt & Kim - "Grand"
If you know who Matt & Kim are and you like them, then you'll like this CD. Their music's for a certain type of people. This is like the Ke$ha CD in the sense that 1/2 of it I really, really like and 1/2 of it hurts my ears. I do enjoy how simple it all is and they don't hide behind Auto-tune (ahhem, Vampire Weekend...) If you're a M&K fan, I say get it.
B

Michael Buble - "Crazy Love"
He's good at what he does, which is croon. "Haven't Met You Yet" might be one of the few new songs on this album but it's cool to see his take on some of the classics. It's easy to listen to. He has a flawless voice. It's almost too clean and produced but it's a good formula to sell a lot of records. If you're a Buble fan then this album is worth purchasing.
A-

Vampire Weekend - "Contra"
Let's see here...go buy this album. It's awesome. I don't want to analyze every track because that would take the fun out of this album. They play in auto-tune (and I don't know why) but they pick up and build on where the last album left. It's catchy and fun. We should see a lot more of VW in commercials, movies and around town because it's different and because it's good. Get it.
A

Tick Tock

1 week to go. In a week I ride the fun train a couple of times.

It'll be a mightily packed weekend of the arts on stage and of the hand.
Adam will be in town and I'll get to see a show in the city. The first time in a very long time.

As a part of a Christmas present, Kim and I will be down in the city to see Million Dollar Quartet. I can't even remember the last show I went to see. Hmm...I did see a straight show with CH/Leo a few years back, though I can't remember the name of it to save my life. But, for a musical, I fear the last show I saw was with Adam and it was "How to Speak Minnesotan without Really Trying." That's sad. Wait, no, I take that back. Kim and I saw Wicked. That was fantastic. How could I forget Wicked? Yikes. Oh Christ, and how could I forget the show I erased from my brain...oh boy.

A year or so ago, my dad got Kim and I tickets to see a show...why am I writing this...to see High School Musical, the stage production. I have never felt more like a pedophile in my life. Where we appreciated the free tickets to a show...seeing a play based on a Disney movie...that...was...well, High School Musical? Yikes. But, we went and enjoyed ourselves the best we could. The coolest part about that whole night was rushing back to the train station to catch one of the last trains and, while scurrying as fast as we could, we saw a lot of the set from the latest Batman movie. That made the awkwardness of that show subside and we made the train.

This time around, we're seeing the show on our own accord. I don't know much about the show but that will work out for the best. It's been described as Jersey Boys who can play an instrument. According to the website, "On December 4th, 1956, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presely, Carl Perkins (who?) and Jerry Lee Lewis played together for the first and only time - the night Rock 'n Roll came alive." I'm not sure you can argue how that couldn't be awesome. I'm sure there'll be more to report on after we see it.

At the same time, Adam is in town for a Snow Carving Competition. It's something he participated in every year when he was in college. Plus, any time Adam is in town I'm happy to find a way to hang out with him. For those reading and curious of where it is - it's on the southern end of Grant Park. More information can be found here - http://bit.ly/8AVRCQ

Hopefully, we'll be able to get down there after the show to see the snow sculptures. If they're already down then I'm hoping to get to share a drink or 4 with Adam just because and because it's a good excuse to celebrate his birthday early. If the play wasn't going on, I'd be there earlier to see the judging and snap some fun shots of everyone making their creations. If anyone else wants to hang out in the city for drinks or to check out the snow sculpture competition let me know. The more the merrier and I don't see Adam or Sally turning down a ride on the fun train.

It'll be a good day/night to take my mind off of my dad's upcoming surgery. Last I heard, it'll be early in February plus the additional joys of a couple night hospital stay. Hooray? I'm just hoping he goes into it ok and comes out of it for the better and with the outlook of a healthier body.

Which reminds me. Cancer is a terrible thing, not that it's news to anyone out there. And people always talk of how they want to do something to help the cause. Lucky for you there is. You could help and donate $1 or $100 to Kim's Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. I know that donating to her cause isn't the same cancer type as my dad's prostate cancer but any research towards cancer is better than no research towards it. There are worse things to donate to, right? Right. Plus, it helps Kim inch towards her goal, makes her happier and you can feel better for giving to a good cause.

On any note, that's all I have to really ramble about for this Saturday. I'll get to music eventually. As I listened to the albums over and over again I began to change my mind on how I felt about them. For example, the Matt & Kim CD is good on the whole but not track by track. 1/2 is awesome and 1/2 is...eh. But for the $6 it costs on iTunes...why not? So, I'm seeing if my musical mood will settle long enough to blog about it.

Now it's time to return a gigantic wine fridge for one that doesn't have a mega dent in it and hopefully maintains temperature more consistently. That'll be fun and I'll keep looking forward to a week-away night of fun.

Tomorrow can be about the music

I'm too tired to write a lot tonight. It's not that I did anything to cause a sleepier me. I'm just tuckered out. I need to stop randomly waking up at 3am too. That might help. That would also mean that I need to stop having really weird dreams that wake me up. Noted...

Anyway, I think I'll ramble on about a slew of new music I've been listening to the last week or so. It may not help you make a decision but it'll be fun to talk about. From Matt & Kim to Ke$ha (and her stupid $ sign) and the new Vampire Weekend, I'll cover it all - or at least the parts that entertain me the most.

For the 3 of you who read this - if you have any rambling topic ideas please let me know.
I think that's it. It's time for some bed.

Brown isn't your color

I had an interesting meeting today.
Our new head guy is hosting meetings to better understand the department and what we do. The group was a hodgepodge mix from across our teams, but when it boiled down to it the room was filled with brown noses, a self-doubting admin, a Russian and me.

As with any meeting with a higher up, I’ve learned that the higher up you go the less funny you have to be to make people laugh. It’s nauseating.

He walks in, says something that’s casual and not very funny and the room erupts with laughter, like he’s Richard Pryor in his heyday. He’s not.

What surprised me most about the meeting was the lack of self indulgence he showed the group. I was surprised. Most times, when you go to these open-forum meetings, there’s an agenda…even if they say there won’t be. In this case, there really wasn’t. Again – shocking.

He sat there, misaligned in his chair trying to listen through people’s fluffy speeches of who they are and where they come from to see the essence of what each area does. For the most part people are pretty genuine but when there’s poop you smell it.

He welcomed criticism and feedback for the good, the bad and the needs to be looked at. The ideas presented, to make our are a better, were encouraging and realistic. They’re the kind of ideas that, once implemented, will create a better morale and a better work environment. Hearing someone say that your office colors and feel come across as an insane asylum is priceless. “We’re in marketing, for Christ’s sake, we should have creative space, right?” Best line of the meeting.

The only negative I’d pull from it all was his own reservation to be completely honest with the group. When people hear words like outsource and change they freak out. Even with reassurance that we’re fine they’re heads still sit on the ground as they run around like future Thanksgiving turkeys. Gobble, gobble. People get comfortable in the environment they know and function best in. Changing that causes chaos. People don’t like chaos. I say bring it on.

Now, I’m not the best with words, so it’s tough to describe the atmosphere. People were scared to have some coffee or eat some of the provided breakfast items until the leader went first. People are so restricted by image and by fear that they clam up. I find the sociology of it all to be enticing, to say the least. He's an open guy with a lot of good ideas. Funny and raw.

All in all, the new changes are for the good. Not because I was directly told our department is vital but because getting new life flown into these walls can only result in the better. I mostly enjoyed it because people will always brown nose because they think it’s the right thing to do. It’s smelly and the right kind of person, a good kind of person, can smell it a mile away and that makes me smile. Plus, brown isn’t a good color on anyone.

To blog, tweet or fb...do I really have to choose?

I asked my buddy Aaron what I should write about since I'm starting to write to tucker me out before I crash. His idea - ramble out the perks and irritations of popular social media. I thought that's was a mighty good idea.

Blogging

Ah, blogging -- a place where everyone can show you just how funny, insightful, deep or chatty they can be. My biggest crime is not choosing any of those. Well, I guess I'd pick funny if any of them. I figure, if you're going to waste your time reading the things I put on internet paper, you might as well feel like you didn't lose your time.

At the same time, I realize that a person chooses to read whatever I'm spewing out so I have the ability and opportunity to talk about whatever is on my mind...like how I feel about blogging.

Basically - blogging is for the good. Unlike Facebook or Twitter, I don't have to read through droves of unnecessary banter to see or stalk what I want. With a blog, if I don't like what I'm seeing I can just close it out and not feel like I'm missing out on anything. And as for my own blogging likes and dislikes, my only dislike is corporate America's dislike for me blogging while I work.

Yeah, yeah, bad use of company time, but that's where I get so many of my unfiltered thoughts. By the time I'm tired and getting ready for bad they've all become muddled and take too much work to recreate.

For example - have you ever had one of your best ideas while in the shower or going to the bathroom? You have, admit it. I can't tell you how many times I came out of the bathroom, after peeing, in college and said to Aaron or Scott, "oh my god, so I had the greatest idea just now..." Those are the times I need a pad of paper or a tablet computer to just jot down my thoughts. But...it would look funny if I went strolling into the bathroom, computer in hand. Kim would be like, "are...are you going poo...with a computer...I...hmm...wash your hands when you're done please."

I could blog from my phone but that takes too long since I don't have baby dwarf hands. But man, if I did...you wouldn't be able to stop me.

All in all - blogging is for the better. It's a good outlet for people. Just, don't expect to get famous for it or for someone to one day recognize your blogging abilities and offer you some opportunity, like in Julia & Julia. That was a fluke. If you use it for a place to vent it out and you have a friend or two or no one to read it - then blog it out, get your blog on. You're not hurting anyone. Just don't blog with the thought that you're smarter than someone reading it because you're not. Because when it boils down to it, no matter what you're blogging about, you're still...just blogging not changing the world. :)

Facebook
Hmm - where to begin on this behemoth? I remember when there were 2 Facebooks but man has it evolved over the last 5 years.

I'll cut to the chase on how I'm feeling about Facebook. It bitch slapped MySpace back to a place where only pedophiles play, which is nice since it was always a pain to maneuver through MySpace. But now, Facebook won't slow down. It's a snowball that's just rolling down a hill of bad upgrades, applications, games and privacy mishaps yet I don't know what future program will come along to make me change my loving ways.

What other way is there to so easily stalk those you know, sort of know, met once and love? There is none unless you want a restraining order.

I love how Facebook has eliminated the need for any of us to really have a 10 yr reunion. I don't need to see you face to face to see that you got fat. I have facebook. I don't need to hear that you had 3 kids and a divorce because I have Facebook for that. What's that? You got really tanked last night and took pictures? I don't want to see them in person...I have Facebook for that?

But wait, there's more? You found a horny farmer in your cattle field in Farmville? That...that I don't need to hear or see...ever. Damn - enough with the applications already. Keep them to yourself. I don't care, I don't, if you built a new house, have a new high score in a game...unless you found a program that gives me statistics on how many people do something that involves me. Then...it's ok?

It's a conundrum, it really is.
Facebook, by comparison, is probably what it's like to be addicted to cigarettes. You know the negatives to it but you can't stop. You take the good with the bad. You might get cancer but you can look through all 4,376 photos of your ex boy/girlfriend for 4 hours. A give and take.

I like Facebook for all of the good it's capable of. I like being able to keep in touch with people without any real effort. It makes my life a little easier. It also helps me keep up with the people I wouldn't really want to have that awkward conversation with anyway. Thanks Facebook.

But, on the other hand, I wish it would subdue itself on a couple of things...
1 - updates on Mafia Wars, Farmville or any other interactive FB game
2 - stop status updating passive aggressive or overly vague thoughts...if you want us to care - then say so...don't make it a game. so dumb.
3 - I want a dislike button - you can't just like something...that's impossible. And if you have access to everything else on fb, then I shouldn't have to live by every mother's adage of "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all." Mmm...ut uh. Lemme dislike whatevuuuur I want, please and thank you.

Yeah. Facebook. It has it's ups and down. But since it's my meth, I'll keep on doing it until my Iowa farm lab goes boom.

Twitter
It's great for my ADD state of mind. I know, surprise, I can be ADD. Shocking!
I love it because it's stuck to its guns. I can always block someone or follow whoever I want. I have the opportunity to be retweeted by people I consider celebrities. I can win things from companies I support and I can keep up with friends' days and maybe even learn some new news. The pros truly outweigh the cons with Twitter.

The people I work with aren't on it which is a plus, which keeps me saying whatever I want (which I also like)

The only thing I don't like is excessive tweeting. I just started to follow Target because it was suggested to me and because I love Target (who will contest that? No one) but they don't tweet twice an hour or 10 times a day...oh no, they do it in bulk. They're the costco of tweeters. I shouldn't have to scroll to find someone elses tweets and thoughts - that defeats the purpose of it all.

Luckily, tweeting hasn't turned into poor text messaging where someone retweets with an, "ok, " "sounds good," "bye," or some other one word lame-o response.

I think my favorite thing about twitter is the ability to connect with people I could never do so with before like Judah Friendlander. When D texted me, "Judah tweeted you back," I honestly was excited. Ocho has written back to friends and there are probably other situations I've forgotten that have happened too. Oh yeah - for example - Jess became Batter Blaster's fan of the week and she hooked up an interview with Rue La La. Seriously, how awesome is that? Very awesome.

---

I dunno. I don't think I resolved any feelings towards any of those 3 methods of social media. No matter, I rambled it out. You can't even be forced to pick just 1 because they all have a different purpose.

Blogging is a good place to document out all of your would-be journal entries that is seen by an audience you never have to know or who you choose to see what you think.

Facebook is throwing your life into a giant wading pool of everyone you ever wanted to connect with or who wanted to connect with you. Pictures, thoughts, comments and life happenings are all out there for friends, family and "oh yeah, you" people to see and comment/like as they see fit.

And Twitter is a 140-character beast all its own. It's so restricting yet wide open to be as eclectic as you might want to be. It's great because I wouldn't blog thinking Ryan Stout will read it and I wouldn't add him as a friend on fb or write on his wall because that sounds creepy...but, for whatever reason, retweeting something he said or asking him a question on his tour schedule seems perfectly legit. It's like everyone is on the same level. I don't know, that might just be me.

I think Twitter does have the slight edge. It still feels unique and it hasn't been molested by the masses yet. This is probably because we're not the target demographic, but I'll use that to my advantage until it's overrun and overhauled.

But to the point of the title is do I really have to choose? Nope. Not at all. If I can take the good with the irritating, I can have all 3 and it's awesome. They're all perfect for a person who is easily distracted by all sorts of...ooh, look, a butterfly...

If only I were as handy as I am sarcastic

I would be golden.
I'm sitting here listening to the upstairs toilet make a noise that I don't know how to stop. I open the lid. I stare in it. I examine it as if I know what might be wrong with it. I fiddle with a thing and move the big creepy ball thing up and down and hope to god that if I flush it one more time that it will stop making the noise.

I think 2 of the 3 toilets make this noise. It reminds me that I'm not handy. I don't want to be but I also don't want things in my house to not be fixed because I can't figure it out. Yet, if you give me some complex logical issue or puzzle, I'll think of many ways to potentially solve it. Maybe that's the difference. With logic or philosophy it's all about thought and feeling. Nothing's ever really concluded upon. The issue still exists, as does my toilet making a noise.

It's not leaking. It's filled. It works. It just acts like it's not content. It wants attention that I don't want to give it.

Another thing I don't quite get how to do is clean painted walls. In hindsight, my painter scares me. Those stories are for another day. Though he claimed to make love to the paint because it was so sweet and perfect...something tells me he could've been full of crap. I don't want to spend time cleaning some scuffs off a wall to see the paint come back up.

So paint over it if that happens, you say. No thanks. That's too much effort for me. I'm lazy on those things. Sand it. Prime it. Paint it. Fuck it.

I always wanted to make enough where I could just hire someone to come out and do it for me. I'm not there yet but if I click my heels 3 times it just might happen. Maybe. Probably not.

Now, if hooking up a new faucet, light fixture or cabinets were a stereo system...I'd do that lickity split. I'm not sure how they're different really. Both require patience and know how. It's not a matter of weight, power tools or measuring. I can do that just fine. Who knows, really?

I'll get over the lazy curiosity to it all soon enough. I have pictures to hang, shelves to mount and, eventually, a kitchen to help construct and cabinets to hang in the garage. If I'm nutty enough, Kim and I will redo our master bedroom closet for the better. Supposedly it's a breeze but only installation will tell. I have people to help me but I need someone to help me and show me how to do it at the same time. Otherwise, I'll keep being lazy and relying on someone else (which I don't mind, but come on...there's got to be a limit). That and I need a lesson on how to patch holes. That way I don't fear f*n up with a screwdriver/hammer.

All I know is, before I go to bed, I'm going to go into the bathroom, pull the lid off the toilet, stare down into it like I know what I'm looking at and pretend to fix it. And I'll continue to futz with it until it is quiet. And then, like a newborn, once it begins to make noise again I'll pretend like I can't hear it and let it cry itself to sleep. Or in the case of the toilet, I don't care what it does because I'm going to sleep.

Boobylicious for ya babaaay

I'm getting my Beyonce channeled through me. I think I could rewrite the rest of that song to be all about breasts...

And speaking of breasts - for the next 5+ months, I'm going to do my best to promote the heck out of the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer that Kim is participating in. It's not just her but 1000s of women. Kim's team, thus far, includes her sister and some family. My mom might get in the mix but that's TBD it seems.

During the process, they are writing a blog about the experiences leading up to the huge marathon long walk in June: http://nicholsgirls.wordpress.com/

It's a 2 day, 39 mile walk. That's crazy but it all goes to help breast cancer research.

Even before cancer started creeping into my family circle I always found it important to support causes such as these and it doesn't matter how you support. I believe Kim's brother will be holding a beer for boobs party where the proceeds all go towards cancer research. The options are limitless.

Anyway - I plan to push for as much support as possible for Kim to reach her goal of $1,800. I know she can do it and I know any and all of you can help. It doesn't have to be much. You don't have to go nuts and drop $100 or $500...but you can! :)

Donate $5. That's only 1 drink less the next time you go out. Your waistline will thank you and so will women's breasts everywhere.

To donate go here: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/Chicago?px=5245338&pg=personal&fr_id=1930


That's all there really is to it. There are hundres of causes out there to cure everything under the sun. If this cause doesn't motivate you then find one that does, but if you're a fence sitter then give this one a try and see how you feel about it. My bet is you like it and you want to donate or participate more!

Thanks!

Who's ready for something different?

I am!
I'm pretty sure my body works in yearly cycles (at least).
Around a year a part my body and mind always think, "you should start your own business, it's a good idea, you'll be successful. Now, if only you had something you were good at that you could make money at..." and that's where that internal discussion usually ends. I think I enjoy too many different things to ever sit and focus on just one of them to make a concerted effort at it for any sort of profit gaining.

Lately, I've found enjoyment in photography. I don't know much about it nor am I very good at it yet but I'm trying the approach of submersing myself into anything and everything I can find about it and see what sticks. Trying to teach myself the basics of photo editing within Photoshop is proving to be an uphill challenge. To my credit, I can successfully manipulate color curves, convert to a good looking B&W, clear up any noise as well as sharpen and over sharpen images until they seem fake. I find it peacefully frustrating. Unfortunately, the more I learn and the quicker I adapt some skills behind taking pictures, the more I wish I had purchased a better camera from the get go. Don't get me wrong, the D3000 is really awesome but had I stepped up for the D90, we'd have use out of the older lenses I've acquired. No matter, the 35mm is doing wonders and it's giving me better pictures than I've ever taken in my Point-and-shoot days.

Now, could I start a business doing photography? No. Well, I could, but I don't know if I would want to. Not because of skill deficiencies but, again, I'm not sure if that's what I'd want to do all the time - all day, everyday. I think it's a hobby that I'll enjoy letting evolve picture by picture. Unfortunately for the rest of you, that means I'll be toting the camera around with me more often - trying to see what I can capture.

Plus, I've learned that, as much as I dislike getting up early and going to work, going into work has its peace to it. Working from home, sometimes, provides undue stress for the other things on my to do list that definitely do not involve work. I bet when I have kids, I'll really enjoy going to work. I'll always want to be around them but will also need those few hours of something different to keep things from becoming too static. I say this now. Watch - I'll have kids and it'll be a whole new tune, but that's not something I have to worry about for some time.

Speaking of worrying - do you know what I'm tired of? Cancer.
Fucking hate cancer. It's driving me nuts. Not me, personally, but those around me.
First, Kim's mom. Then, my grandpa. Come a couple weeks ago, I find out it's now affecting my dad. What gives? With Kim's mom it seems as though the chemo is doing what it was intended to do. She's doing seemingly better and should beat this thing, at least that's what my money is on. My grandpa, well, he's had some of the best surgeons in the country work on him. For a man who is 75, smokes nonstop, drinks PBR from 9am until 9pm at night, I'd say he's doing fairly well. He's accepted what he has left in life and is going to enjoy it the best way he knows how. In a way, I admire that.

But with any of those people, I would hate to see any of them go. Though I rarely see my grandpa, seeing him die to cancer would be a devesator. Yikes. I feel like we have an unspoken connection. We always get along and we always enjoy spending time together. North Dakota to Illinois isn't what I'd call next door neighbors, but still. The idea of losing anyone is heartbreaking. Which brings me to my dad.

Those of you who know me understand that I haven't always been so close to my dad. Luckily, in the past few years things have turned for the better. He and my mom still have their differences but that's a place I do my best to stay out of most of the time. I don't need to be placed in the middle of any of that noise. That's what I spent most of my teenage years doing. But no matter how close or far apart you are from a parent, finding out they have cancer is shocking. I remember finding out when two of my close friends' dads had cancer. I couldn't imagine what it must have felt like. For one, he sadly lost his father to cancer and the other - he seems to be recovering fine, which is great news. I hope for the latter with my dad. I can't even wrap my brain around how scary it has to be. When a doctor tells you that it's aggressive and they aren't sure if it's moved anywhere else and that surgery is the best options. Aaaah. But what choice do you have? You have to be hedonistic. You have to take the short term pain for the long term pleasure.

It's f*d to think about. When I was in HS or college, I would hear of people's grandparents or parents getting cancer and it didn't mean anything to me because I have never experienced it. It wasn't something to joke about but it wasn't something I could fathom either. Then in the course of 2 years, I lose one brother to accidental death and 3 family members become diagnosed with cancer. Top top off this barrage of delightful news, I come to learn that my uncle probably doesn't have long to live. Again, same situation as my grandpa. I didn't see him much growing up but you never want to see a family member, no matter how close, pass away at a younger age.

There's always the adage that someone is "going to a better place," and I'd prefer to be selfish. I want everyone I care about to live forever, ya know?

When it all comes down to it, the only thing to do is to remain optimistic. Worrying is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

I think a lot of the negative news encourages me to try to get out and do more or do activities that I enjoy or consider relaxing, whether that's playing too many hours of video games, taking an unplanned trip, trying something new or just trying to hang out with friends. When people around you face life-threatening situations it always puts a focus on the things you so easily take for granted.

What am I getting at? Anything? Not really. I'm just rambling because I can. It's one of the glories of a blog only 10 people know about. 10 of you might end up reading through this and think, "damn, this thing isn't ending..." Sometimes it's a great place to post the things that crack me up (like friends in elf costumes) and other times it's a good place to just write it all out in a discombobulated form to tucker me out before bed.

Talking about more serious things isn't something I really enjoy doing. I prefer to have a good time and not bring people into the things that are considered sad. The world is filled with sadness day in and day out. I prefer to focus on the fun of it. It's one of the many reasons I prefer to avoid movies that are too serious or depressing. I see enough of it in the news or in day to day life. Why spend 2+ hours having to think more about it. Movies are meant to be an escape. It's why musicals became so popular during the great depression. It was a way for people to escape the unfortunate realities for only a short period of time. There's no need for me to do that with a movie about war, death or sadness. I'd much rather have 2 hours of The Rock dressed as the tooth fairy or something where the good guys win.

It's why I always invite anyone and everyone out when we have a party or go out for the night. Hell, some of those people should be left off the invite list because they're so often shady and unreliable, but against my better judgment I always do. It's true what people my parent's age tell me - my generation is, more often than not, incredibly selfish. We're a very "me, me, me" generation. We wait for the best thing to come along, we do whatever pleases us the most, we opt for the lazy option and we expect most things to be given to us - not because we deserve it but because we think we deserve so. It's not all our fault, it's partly how we were raised - where everyone gets a ribbon and everyone passes. It translates to everything else, which is unfortunate. So, people don't return calls or emails or show up to things because "it's ok, they won't care, I'll get invited next time." I do it too. Sometimes I know I should buck up and drive the extra however many miles to see whomever but I opt out and sit on my ass. Sort of like working out. I know I should but I don't. I make the excuse and think of anything else to do. Like write this blog.

Someone who does a good example of part of what I rambled on is Scotty T. That guy lives further away from all of us, yet never complains about coming out to hang out. He often offers his place up to spend time or cause trouble but we don't take the effort to go out there as he does for us because we make up some excuse. The only validity to any of the excuses is sometime I want to sleep in my own bed, despite Scott's hospitableness, but that gets tough when you go out and drink. Plus, some of us get sleep before others and things get tougher. So, even there, I'm making excuses. Catch 22 it seems.

Anyway, I'm just a rambling man. A lot to say and never enough quality explanation to get through it all in a concise way.

Overall - life for Kim and I is as good as it can be. We're both healthy and happy (at least I am...kidding, I think Kim is too!) We can't control a lot of the situations around us but we make do and take each situation as it comes to us. I'm confident Kim will be back up and employed sooner than we both think and it'll eventually become a forgotten bump in the road. As for my family - I can only hope they continue to fight and become or stay healthy again.

Cancer is a real bitch. Up until my dad, I didn't have any blood-lined relations to cancer in my family and I was feeling pretty safe. I know I was or am still at risk but the odds seemed more in my favor before. Now, I'm suspect to it when I get further down the age road. Yay? I don't think so. Like I said before, all I can really do and all will do is keep the optimism alive.

Don't expect me to talk about much of this. Even sharing the basic details with Kim's parents was hard on me. I'm an incredibly open person on most topics, but when it gets to the personal stuff is when I shut it down. I'm sure there's some deep-seeded emotional reason for why but I'm not about to think about that right now! :) All I know is, I'm happy to give an update if anyone's interested but it's not something I plan to go on and on and on about in a 1-on-1 conversation. Blog is sort of different. It's like an open diary. You can choose to read it or you can choose not to. There are no secrets in here so take what you read as you want it. If there's something you wish you could do - well - keep my family in your thoughts - and prayers too, if you pray or even if you don't.

People ask if they can do something or send flowers, in the case of my dad having surgery in a couple of weeks, and I'll say "appreciated but no thanks." Instead of getting all flowery - I say, take that money and put it towards a better cause. Donate that money towards Kim's walk, the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer: http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/Chicago?px=5245338&pg=personal&fr_id=1930

It's a good cause and the money goes to fight the thing I'm learning to hate more and more each day. Plus, the more money Kim receives the happier she gets and that is always the most important thing. That and hearing her funny walking stories about her butt hurting after walking 3 miles! :)

Alright, 45 minutes later and a novella later...I think it's time to call it a night and get some sleep. I am impressed though - so many topics and no agenda to cover any of them. Just me rambling my face off until I was drowsy. Goal complete.