5. The Bicycle
I know it seems a bit remedial and lacks some creativity, but it's just a good way to get around. When you were a kid it's how you got anywhere. "Goin to So and So's house..." and away you went on your bike. They're relatively inexpensive and come in a surprising amount of various forms. Let's see there's the bicycle built for two, the BMX bike, the old school "standard style." The list goes on. It's number 5 because there are some cooler and more useful or fun ways to get around town on your feet, but as a kid this is/was one of the best ways to get around and a great achievement once you finally learned how to do it.
4. The Rickshaw
I shouldn't need much explanation here. Look at it. It's awesome. The man is a human taxi. No motor, no taxicab confessions, nothing. I'd make him run up as many hills as I could find. All of them. Why doesn't Chicago have this? Is it dangerous? No. A messenger on a bike sure seems like he survives on the busy streets, how about Mr. Sandal Shoes? Can you feed him as he moves you through town? It's something I'd like to see in an Amish community, I'm just saying.
3. The Flintstones Car
I'll be honest. Power Wheels were supposed to go in this spot. I was pissed to find out
that, despite that it's battery powered, there is a single motor involved. In the new power wheels there are a couple independent motors for the new traction control feature. fuckers. So, to substitute for the Power Wheel, I give you the Flintstones car. The first of its kind. Fred must have had callouses thicker than the width of 2 fat people hugging. Either way he knew how to ride in style. He'd be one hell of a linebacker in today's world. That or a drunk. or both. I just don't feel right about using a fictional item for #3. So, I'll rank it as almost a 3. To meet the needs of a full 3 I'll add in an 
additional and awesome form of transportation - the Cozy Coupe. I remember trying to fit in to one of these in my teen years. Or last weekend when I knocked a 3 yr old out of his or hers (couldn't tell, it was ugly) and stole it for a ride. But man, when you were at the prime, ripe age of 2-6, this was the car to have. Stylish, sleek, fuel efficient and enough room for you and the cute neighbor girl next door with kooties. Either way, this gender-neutral car was the way to go as a toddler. So, it PLUS the Flintstones wagon easily foot (ba dum, dum) the bill for the #3 spot and a fine replacement for the Power Wheels (bastards...)#2. Big Wheels
You can't compare this to a bicycle. No way, no how. Well, you could since it has pedals, wheels and a handlebar but that's where it ends. Look at that noise. By far the coolest ride any kid could have had. If I could fit into one now I'd have one. "Be right back, I'm going to White Hen...on my BIG WHEELS." Who here hasn't had one? If you didn't - you were robbed in your childhood and you should probably sue your parents and grandparents. It's one of the most nostalgic things I can remember from being a kid. I refused to learn how to ride a bike because I had a Big Wheel. I didn't fall off, I was close to the ground, spin outs were easy and it never went out of style. If it weren't for its limitations on age for being able to suitably use it, it would be #1. But - since I'd look even more overweight trying to squeeze into it, then try to get my feet on the pedals and have the base of it drag all over the ground...it'll stay as a fond memory and as #2.
And lastly
#1. Your Feet
Now, you might wonder why or even call me a bit of a purist, but all in all - your feet are the best form of non-motorized, animal-free transportation out there. They're durable (unless born without them, lose them in a blast, or chop them off in a combine or chipper shredder, or lose a bet to a Russian mafia boss), dependable, at-times somewhat smelly, and used at all times to get you from point A to point B. Even if you're an amputee - and you get fake legs - you still get feet. At least in my mind you do (reality doesn't matter here). Without your feet, or footlike appendage at the end of a nub or leg, you wouldn't be able to really ride a bicycle, operate a rickshaw, nub your way around town with the Flintstones mobile, cruise for chicks in a Cozy Coupe or tear up town on a Big Wheel without feet. You can casually walk around town, go for a jog, kick someone in the noggin, jump on/off things, sprint from an ex girlfriend all with your feet. Sure you trip over them sometimes. Sure you can stub a toe, but when it comes to the best form of transportation - I think feet are the winner. They have a 'leg up' on the competition. (that's not even that punny, that's just stupid)
That's all I've got. If you agree, great. If you don't, that's great too. If you think of something better, let me know. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed the 10 minutes of your life you won't get back because it's gone - just to find out I bitched out and went with feet for the #1. "Weak Sauce," as Dustin says. I may be weak, but I'm also delicious! :)
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