top 5 famous people I can't stand (with an intro)

So much work. So little time to waste blogging about nothing. I figure, I might as well entertain the sad few who choose to read this. Bitching about things isn't very constructive for the mind (well, sometimes). So - I'll do my best to think of a countdown of some sort. A favorite this, a favorite that. A most disliked something or another. It doesn't matter what's counted down, but it'll be counted. I thought about breaking down by top 101 and explaining why each song made it, but who wants to read or know about that, aside from me?

But a fast recap of the past few days.

Wrestlemania was pretty awesome. Some upsets and too much pizza. A good amount of Rock Band (way to go Leo on rockin' out on those drums and thanks to Richie for bringing it). There was an orange/lemon zest 1978 cake, unopened chips with dip, Filipino Street Meat, and the appreciation that Ric Flair was not in HD in all of his sweaty glory. Friday was good with a random trip to Brookfield, some Cock Robin, a hipster band, more rock band, a makeshift mic stand and beer. A winning combination. And now for a countdown:

The Top 5 Famous People I can't Stand

Some of these people may surprise you, while others should not. They're just plain obvious. This list is fluid and can change at any time, but as of April 1, 2008 - here's who sticks out in my mind right now and why.


5. Tyra Banks:

What a self-indulgant waste of TV. She's like Oprah lite. Eh, worse. She's all of the material that Oprah wouldn't use mixed with some Jenny Jones. Some of you know, Oprah isn't too high on my list of people either, but Tyra is the unwanted step host that Oprah would never let herself become. Moreover - Tyra is an ego tramp. I hate to admit that there was a time when I'd watch America's Next Top Model. It's true. Now it's a clusterfuck of blowjob faces and bimbos. It's as if they took the rejects from the Beauties of Beauty and the Geek, let em get rexy for a few weeks and let them audition for ANTM. I won't even put the written thought behind her excuse of a talk show. I've seen better shows on Toon Disney. I'd rather watch vintage Billy Ray Cyrus videos...no. Worse. I'd rather watch the View when Rosie O'Donnel was on than to watch the Tyra Banks show. To show I'm not completely crazy, I'll give you a hint of what makes Tyra so a) crazy b) fuckin' crazy c) unwatchable most of the time d) #5 on the list of most annoying famous people. See, when some nut job celebrity feels self-entitled to help people it bugs me, when they seem to need more help themselves. What's next, the Tyra book club or a record deal? How about a TV show? "Tyra Banks' - The Medium-Sized Give, more dramitic than Oprah's with 1/2 the sponsers and none of the watchability, this fall on the CW"


4. Angelina Jolie

I'm sorry. Brad Pitt chose the wrong woman. She looks like an ape. Or a man with puffy lips and a shiny face. Breasts or not - as my friend Kyle says "you can't motorboat personality." Aside from that, what does she really have going for her? Do you know who she reminds me of? The scary lady from Aqua Teen that Carl hooks up with in the movie. Linda. That's her name. The muscle-bound man lady. Any right-minded guy should choose Jennifer Anniston over Jolie. The woman was married to Billy-Bob Thorton! She had to have a tatoo removed from that marriage. Her dad is John Voight. There's no real recipe for awesome here. Furthermore, Angelina, stop buying babies like they're trading cards. It's like she's collecting international coins. I know many men will tell me I'm wrong on this one and let them. To me she's like bigfoot without as much facial hair. It's also pretty sad when the best movie on your resume is Tomb Raider - after that it was the same repetitive garbage but in different sets. A pity. Soon, instead of adopting a baby or giving money to some 3rd world country's poor kids - you'll be Netflicking Angelina's kids. "Rent one as long as you'd like!" -"ooh, I want to rent the Kenyan baby...naw, too messy, I'll take the Russian one..." Way to go Angelina, you're such an International Baby Hoarder.
(the video below shoes the Linda gal from ATHF that angelina reminds me of)


3. Barry Bonds*

Hey Barry Bonds*, fuck you. Yeah. I don't know why he isn't topping off my list. Sure, there are plenty of people in professional sports who have taken performance enhancing drugs. They've bulked up. They've been punished or they haven't been caught yet. They're no Barry. What a jag bag. No other athlete (except for the majority of the NBA) irritates me as much as this egotistical shit sack. I heard a discussion during a spring training game about "who could bring Bonds on to their team this year." It wasn't a matter of skill, talent, ability or fan draw. Nope. It was "which ball club could accomodate the amount of space Barry takes up." He requires his own wing, basically, in a locker room. There are a insignificant number of clubs who could house this attention whore and cry baby. Not to mention (and this might not be true still) that he has to have his own bus when traveling with the team. He's a greedy, inconsiderate, selfish ass. That's not even nice to compare him to the pack mule of the animal community. At least an ass or pack mule assist in some way. He's only helped tarnish the game. Like I said, may ball players (or athletes in general) take performance enhancing drugs - that's an issue all of it's own - but it's his attitude, the way he treats the game, fans, teammates, media and allegations that land him here. I could bitch a lot more on him, but it tires me out. I dislike Barry Bonds* more than the Yankees. Yeah. I said it. If you're a professional athlete being paid millions of dollars to play a game. Play the game. Be thankful. Take your money and help yourself, your friends, family and those in need. So many people have that "me, me, I want, I want, gimme, gimme" attitude. This deservist mentality that makes me sick. He's the king of sports egos. He makes TO and Ocho Cinco look like amatuers. Yup. Fuck you Barry Bonds.

2. Mary J Blige

I don't have a lengthy explanation to what draws her so high on this list. I can't stand her. Overdramatic has been. I'm not quite up to speed with the most current R&B and I'm ok with that. I'd rather watch Ruben Studdard sing topless in a pool of tapiaca pudding than listen to Mary J drone on about her woes. I'm sure she's connecting with someone, somewhere on some level about something I don't care about. Enough with it. The world is filled with enough depressing shit - I don't need your feeble attempts at uplifting r&b. I read that she is the "queen of hip hop soul." I feel bad for that genre. I'm sure people like her music. I'm not one of them. I'd rather listen to teen pop. She's @ number 2, just because I like baseball as a whole more than I like her genre. So, trying to make bullshit apples for apples out of all of this - she's 2 and Barry is 3. I still hate Barry, but Mary makes me more bat shit crazy.


This leads us to the inevitable #1. Another selection that won't make a lot of sense to some, but this man drives me looney. If I were Catholic, died and went to pergatory he is what I'd be stuck listening to - live. In concert, solo...with Mary J Blige singing backups. (shutters)


1. Michael McDonald <--the end all, be all of awful

I don't even know where to begin. He, like Barry Bonds, makes me angry just to think about him. So, hey - McDonald - stop making music. Stop making music outside of your aging, old man genre. Mary J is an easy 2 behind him since she stays within her means. This guy, fuck. Next year you'll see him doing duets with Vampire Weekend, Jason Mraz, Hush Sound, and Soulja Boy and maybe Korn. This boring, no talent ass clown needs to stick to his world. Or, better yet, he could just as easily be run over by a dump truck. Full speed. I wouldn't mind. I don't want to see him die. That's cruel. But to see him lose his vocal chords? Priceless. Shit, maybe something worse is required. He'd end up having some #1 with the old folks Sign Language Album. Yamo Be there with his hands. AAAAH!

He needs to share a tent with Clay Aiken and make unnecessary department store, elevator suicide music. Hearing him take classic Motown songs and molest them like the pedophile ice cream man to a park full of children really pisses me off. It's a bit like 40-yr old virgin. "If you make me listen to Yamo be there I'm going to burn this place to the ground." It's terrible. It's like an audible numbing agent. That's how you get Iraqi bad guys to talk up - play that shit nonstop for 30 minutes. He's known as the blue-eyed soul singer. I wish he wasn't. He should be known for his talentless vocal persuasion to post-soccer moms everywhere. Making granny panties wet with confusion. Is it because granny's are excited? Turned on? Or realizing that listening to him on a CD, live or in the car is bringing them that much closer to death? All in all - whether you agree with me or not, I can't stand Michael McDonald. I have a lot of patience for musical artists. I'd rather listen to Michael Bolton sing hip hop or SWV sing broadway or better yet have Lil Boozie sing indie folk rock. Long story short - he's terrible.

That's the list (for now)
Comment away.
Enjoy!
Happy Tuesday!